Lens (unfocusedlens) wrote,
Lens
unfocusedlens

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Fuck.

I don't get to see Phil this week. Liz's father is out of town, and he says that she gets his priority this week. Well...I'll see him tomorrow briefly when I drop off my costume and give him my copy of Hunger.

Yesterday I cried during Rachel's party. I think it's just because I see her and Hunter together, and they have something I can't even begin to comprehend. And...it's something I want and I just can't have. I just....I want to be able to love someone and be loved back. I mean, I have pieces of relationships with people-- I love Neal, and I know that Neal loves me, but it's platonic. Phil and I have a physical relationship [not sex, though. Not going there yet], but nothing beyond sincere friendship. I love Rachel dearly, and I know she loves me, but we're best friends and we mutually agreed that 1. it would be weird if we dated and it might ruin our friendship, and 2. she and Hunter are destined for each other. Ah...I don't know what I'm doing. It's all just sort of icky.

Well, I watched The Great Dictator today. Chaplin was beautiful again...I love that film. The reviews I read for it tell me that his political commentary and comedy clash in it, but even if the politics weren't right on, I thought it was funny as hell, and I enjoyed watching him, and hearing him as well. He's a lovely man with a lovely voice and beautiful talent. Thank God Phil got me hooked. I would never have gone to Chaplin without his advice.
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